Before and After and Happily Ever After
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: A series of drabbles showing what happens before and after both a happy and a sad 'after' the drabble The Want For A Cure. CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE REVIEW... I'VE POSTED THREE CHAPTERS AND...NOTHING! IS IT THAT BAD?
1. Before

**Secrets**

Summary – Some secrets have to be guarded with your life

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count - 197

**

Some secrets are the sort of secrets to be guarded by your life. Merlin has two. Week in and week out, Gaius tells his young ward that his magic is a secret to be guarded with his life. Merlin off course, being so young, doesn't listen. Merlin feels like he cannot be caught, and not even the threat of execution can stop him.

Merlin's second secret, is a secret he guards with his life completely. It is more than just a secret, its exposure is more than the threat of execution... it is a secret that will bring about the slowest and most painful of life's imaginable.

For rejection from the one you love most, is the most horrible of rejections there is. It fills you so completely, with a torment that is never ending. It is suicide without death, it is life without living, and it is a body with no soul.

So Merlin guards his secret with his life, for as wonderful as a love with Arthur would be, it is something that will never come to pass.

Two side's of a coin they may be, but that's as far as their relationship can go.

******

**Entries**

Summary – A passage about Arthur from Merlin's dairy (Set after 'The once and Future Queen')

Rating – PG-13

Spoilers/Warnings – Some for season 2 and 1

Notes – This one, I just wrote from my heart, because I am in love with someone who does not love me back, and this mirrors how I feel.

Word Count - 301

**

I saw them together today, and my worst fears were confirmed. Arthur _likes_ Gwen. I was unlucky enough to be in the doorway of Gwen's home when they kissed. The pain at seeing that, it was so strong, so horrible. I have never felt anything like it. Not even when Arthur was close to death did I feel so dreadful. And do you know what? I can't take it, I just can't! Not anymore. It hurts too much, the pain. The feeling of knowing that the person I love will never return that love, that he will love and marry another, and be happy, while I sit in my chambers and allow my heart to rot until I can love no more.

Things were okay, when Gwen used to like me! Simpler... I could just think it was cute! I didn't have to act on my feelings, I didn't have to do anything but steer her affections elsewhere. And with Sophia... yes that hurt too, but not like this. Not this bad. With Sophia, I could see, before I knew magic was involved, that it was not love. Merely lust. And I could deal with that. But with Gwen, what they have. It is love, and they both feel the same way. And I have to sit back and watch it, and I can do nothing. Because I refuse to use my powers to influence Arthur, to make him love me, or even to fall out of love with Gwen, not even for Gwen to fall out of love with him. I can't, for he will not truly love me and he never will. And so I have to deal with my pain, and I have to sit back and watch as the man I love falls in love with another.

**

**Decide**

Summary – Merlin decides that now is the time to act

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count - 167

**

Merlin will never know what made him decide to tell Arthur that fine autumn day. It could have been the happy young couple with their newborn baby stood by the gates of Camelot. It could have been hearing Gwen, whisper for the 5 time in a week, to Morgana about Lancelot. It could have been the knowledge that today, the 3rd of November was the anniversary of the day his parents meet.

It didn't really matter however, what the reason was. All that mattered was that, in a moment, Merlin stopped everything he was doing to rush to Arthur's room. In that second, he abandoned his duties to risk it all for the prospect of love. That in the blink of an eye, he had thrown Arthur's armour to the floor, he had fled the armoury, he had run up uncountable numbers of stairs, and he had thrown open his Prince's door with confessions of undying, unrequited, eternal love.

But what did matter, was what happened next.

**Words**

Summary – Words hurt

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count - 226

**

Merlin stood in the doorway, nervous as hell, and let the words pour from his mouth. Word's of admitted feelings, of love and of hope. Hope that the words would be returned. Hope that if not, he would not be rejected.

Arthur sat on his bed, and heard the words that were spoken. Words that slowly filtered through his brain, until they finally registered. Words that filled him with revulsion, disgust and sheer horror. Words that informed him that his manservant was in love. With him. His master. His prince.

Merlin fled the doorway, as words came back. Words of rejection, or hate, of pure loathing. Rejection from the prince who did not love him back. Hate from the prince caught off guard by his servants admission. Pure loathing from the prince who was disgusted with the idea of a man, a friend, being in love with him.

Arthur lay back on his bed, and remembered the words he had spoken. He remembered seeing the pain, the anguish and torment that flickered on Merlin's face in the second before he fled the room. Yet Arthur felt he couldn't care less. Merlin should have expected rejection. His pain, his anguish, his torment was his own, and only his to bear. Arthur played no fault in this, and so felt no guilt. Arthur never saw his manservant again.


	2. Happily Ever After

**Would**

Summary – Would he?

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count – 138

**

Waking up late in an untidy room, Arthur wonders if he should hire another servant. Would he be able to find one with a quirky smile that lights up his whole face? Would he be annoying? Would he be an idiot, a buffoon? Would he able to find one that seems to fail miserably at everything, yet still manage to miraculously do it all too? Would he do anything for Arthur, no matter how absurd the request? Would he risk his life for Arthur? Would he be his friend? Would he call him 'Prat' in that way that made Arthurs heart just melt? Would he care for him? Adore him? Love him?

Would he be everything that Merlin was? Would he be someone that Arthur could love?

Or would Arthur just find Merlin and make wrong his rights?

**

**HIM**

Summary – Merlin does what he says

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count – 155

**

Merlin cannot remember when his chest stopped aching as much, all he can remember is the day when it all stopped. It was the day that _he_ appeared. He appeared and set the story straight. He appeared and dragged Merlin out of bed. He appeared and told him of the heartache, the pain, the regret.

Merlin agreed to go with him, not caring if he was lying or not? Merlin followed his orders, and got washed and dressed, knowing he probably looked and smelt like hell. Merlin followed him to the castle, desperate to be alone with his love. Merlin followed him to the room where it all started, and closed the door once they were both inside. Merlin allowed him to speak, to yell, to order. Then Merlin allowed him to leave.

He was Uther, and he had to put things right, for he could no longer bare to see his son so heartbroken.

**

**Ignored**

Summary – The unease at being reunited was ignored for a greater need.

Rating – R

Warnings/Spoilers – Brief scenes of a sexual nature

Word Count – 104

**

The awkwardness of the situation was ignored, instead replaced by kisses, intimate touches. The unease that was felt was soon forgotten the moment their lips connected, the moment they wrapped their arms around each other and embraced the love that they both felt.

A few inaudible words were muttered. Words of worry, of concern and of fear. Words and worries that were made better by the electric shook that shot through their bodies as they connected again and again. Flesh on fiery flesh, hot breath whispering in awaiting ears, destiny at last, two sides of one coin.

Everything else could wait. This could not.

**

**Sorry**

Summary – Arthur is sorry

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count – 104

**

Sorry is a word that means nothing unless it comes from the heart. Sorry doesn't fix all wrongs, but it makes some right. Sorry is the word that Arthur cannot help but say. He wants Merlin to know how sorry he is. He wants Merlin to feel his regret, his pain and his anguish. He wants to believe that Merlin accepts his apology, but, no matter how many times Merlin says that he does, Arthur cannot believe it, for he is Crown Prince of Camelot, and people do want he wants them to do.

Sorry is a word that Arthur will never stop saying.

**


	3. Sadly Ever After

**Waiting**

Summary – Arthur wants to know about what has happened to Merlin

Rating – PG-13

Warnings/Spoilers – None

Word Count – 202

**

Arthur watches from his window, at every given opportunity, in hope that he might see his former manservant emerge from his chambers at last and revel to Camelot that he is alive and well.

Arthur has ordered his guards to keep an eye out for Merlin, and that he _must _be stopped should be try and leave Camelot.

Arthur has asked Gaius to inform him of every drastic change in Merlin's well-being, of every decision the young servant makes, of every little thing that might indicate what might be going on in Merlin's head.

Arthur stops everyone and anyone in Camelot that bears the slightest resemblance to Merlin, for he wants his manservant back. He wants his friend back. He wants them to forget about what happened. He wants things to be like they were before.

Arthur never see's Merlin from his window, Arthur's guards never inform him that they have seen Merlin, Gaius never comes to him, Arthur never see's Merlin as he wanders through Camelot.

Arthur losses' a friend, Arthur losses' a manservant. Arthur losses' the one person in his life that treated him as Arthur, and not as a Prince.

Arthur regrets more than anything, the things he said.

**

**Death**

Summary –Merlin passes on

Rating – pg-13

Spoilers/Warnings – Character Death

Word Count – 245

**

Merlin knew that he was dead, before death even came to him. He had died the minute Arthur had rejected him. The rejection had spread through him like an infection, slowly seeping to every part of him, to his heart, to his head, his fingers and his toes. He had felt it, in the following weeks, felt it overcome him, weaken him, and ultimately kill him.

There was no question in Merlin's mind, as to whether he was dying. The question was only 'when'.

The day came just weeks after _those_ words were spoken. To everyone else, the day started like any other. To Merlin, it started with a fog that was slowly devouring his vision. A blackness that was filling his mind, ridding it of anything else. It started with the end.

Merlin smiled as death approached him, welcomed it with open arms, for life had become unliveable, knowing that his Prince hated him. He took its hand and allowed it to walk him onto that distant white light, into Avalon.

He only had one request for death, and that was to see Arthur one last time. Death gave him what he wanted, and Merlin saw Arthur, frantic with worry for his former manservant, and immediately, Merlin wished that death had not come for him.

But it was too late, he was in Avalon, waiting now forever, to be able to start all over again, for things to be like what they were before.

**

Funeral

Summary – Arthur watch's as Merlin is buried

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – Post Character Death Fic

Word Count – 227

**

Merlin's funeral is simple, basic, owing to the fact that he was a mere servant and not in any way important at all. Arthur wished he could have made it more so, he wanted to give Merlin the send-off that he deserved. Uther wouldn't let him.

All Arthur was able to do was place in Merlin's cold hand, a note expressing how sorry he was for reacting in such a way to Merlin's words, a note informing Merlin of his wish that things could have gone back to the way they were. A note bearing the seal of Camelot, never to be opened by anyone but the dead.

Merlin had been popular; many people came from far and wide to attend his funeral (held in Camelot at his mother's request. 'He was destined to be in Camelot, so it is only right that he is buried here,' she had said,)

Arthur however, was the only one left when the sun had begun to set in the sky, when Merlin's grave was filled in. It was only then that Arthur allowed himself to cry. He cried for a lost friend, he cried in regret that he had died in vain. He cried because he knew the pain of knowing that he could have stopped this - that he was ultimately responsible for Merlin's death - would be never-ending.

**

**Sorry**

Summary – Arthur works together with a sorcerer so that he might talk to Merlin and clear his conscience.

Rating – PG

Spoilers/Warnings – None

Word Count – 529

**

Arthur wanted to right his wrong - to clear his conscience so much - that he left Camelot in search of the one thing he thought never to conspire with. A sorcerer.

He knew, from carefully worded conversations with Gaius, that to save a life, a life must end, and therefore he could not risk bringing Merlin back, for he would not know who would replace him. He knew however, that he would be able to open the gates of death just once - on one sole occasion – so that he could talk to Merlin again.

Arthur paid a young druid a great sum to give him what he desired, and to keep his mouth shut. Uther would have his head if he knew what his son had done. But Arthur had to risk it.

Words were spoken, enchantments said, and suddenly he was there.

"Merlin!" he ran forward, but stopped short. Could he hug him? Should he?

"Arthur!" And then Merlin was hugging him, and everything was ok. He knew Merlin had forgiven him, he knew that Merlin didn't blame him.

"I don't know how long I have... Merlin I'm so sorry... I did this too you! I should never have... it was my fault I... Merlin I didn't mean what I said, and..." Arthur's ramblings were fast losing their sense, but Merlin seemed to see sense where there was none.

"It's okay Arthur, I forgive you, " Merlin whispered, reassuring his Prince by sweeping a loose hair from his eyes. "I am as much to blame, I took your words to heart and let myself waste away, despite knowing that you are a prat, and that you never seem to think before you speak, and that you hate to say you're sorry..." Both men laughed.

"I am... sorry,"

"I know. Now Arthur, your conscience is clear. Return to Camelot and become the great King you were destined to grow to be," Merlin whispered, taking a step back as a way of goodbye. Their time was ending, Arthur could feel it.

"I cannot become a great King without you by my side," he whispered, frustrated and upset. Merlin smiled.

"You will be, trust me on that one," Merlin said, smiling his best goofy smile.

"I trust you Merlin,"

"I have to go Arthur, our time is up," Merlin said, no longer smiling. Arthur nodded sadly, but grabbed Merlin's hand and pulled him closer in one swift motion.

"Before you go, allow me to give you something that I know will make you happy. All I ask, is that you understand that it is a gift of parting and nothing more," Arthur said, looking into Merlin's eyes with the sort of authority he commanded over him in life.

"Just kiss me Arthur..."

And so he did, and as awkward as it was for him, he could feel Merlin smile, he knew he was making him happy, and for that it was the easiest thing in the world for him to do. When he opened his eyes Merlin was gone, and Arthur's conscience was clear. When Merlin opened his eyes, he was in Avalon, able to move on at last.


End file.
